Will The Sexy Cyberwomen Please Stand Up?

"...Holding on to you  To keep from falling Your eyes are closing now Another chapter's ending This is our last goodbye, This is our time tonight..."

Such an eventful week tis was! Okay, so that is a bit of a lie. Some courses has their reading weeks this week. Our course didn't get one (I know, cry for me lol). Instead we got a lab week! Can I hear a whoop!! Not. It really wasn't that exciting... We were in the lab for about 2 hours a day either looking down the microscope or make dilutions to work out protien concentrations. I must say was thrilling stuff! ... It picked up a bit though on weds eve. Went on a pub crawl with the shooting club; was awesome ^.^ even though was a little messy :) I'm confused now, I can't remember if I mentioned me shooting before... In case I have I'll mention it very briefly (in case I didn't... that makes sence in my head). But yes! About once a week, I'm bundled off in a car and we all go clay pigeon shooting! It's so much fun and I love it so much :) This is the first time I've been introduced to it but I seem to be picking it up alright :) I do break some so aaaall good ;) 

Then thursday. Thursday eve to be exact... It was eventful to say the least. There was an athletics social that I went to. Was fab :) Until the point when I dislocated my knee.

Luckily it popped back into place when I was pulled up by the bouncer, but owie!!! Was very fortunate to be given enough money for a taxi back to my flat but walking form the main road to my flat was a freaking mission and a half!! After suffering through the night, made an appointment at the medical centre to see what they would recommend. I was up from half 6 in the morning and my appointment was at half 11... Longest wait of my life. It was the doc that told me to go A&E and like a good girl i went. Luckily for me, the uni pays for the taxi trip there to the hosp. Was givena beautiful brace to surround my leg and ahve been reunited with my crutches.. Again can I hear a whoop? ...no...just no. Its such a horrible contraption I actually do look like a Dr Who cyberman XD Fantastic end to the week I think... At least they've given me nice strong painkillers :) Which reminds me, I need to get food to take 'em now.... The ironic thing about the shinanegans of thursday eve? The theme was "doctors and parients"... I dressed up as a patient...

Take care my dears... Oh, and happy halloween!

xxLMxx

I Miss Your Face....

"...Don't wish it away. Don't look at it like it's forever. Between you and me I could honestly say That things can only get better. And while I'm away, Dust out the demons inside, And it won't be long Before you and me run To the place in our hearts Where we hide..."

I miss last weekend. For the first time since I moved down here in september, I had my first visitor from home :) My baby, L came over to visit! Such a good weekend, got to properly relax since arriving and could set uni life aside for a short while... I hated seeing him go though...I want him back here so badly, but I can't afford to fall behind in studies... So yes, it is his face that I miss. Maybe. :) 

Sadly quite proud of myself though just because I managed to hand in my first essay a day early lol. It was such an interesting topic though. Our tutor let us pick our own topic, so I chose "Sexual Differentiation In Developing Humans" this is an embryonic stage mind. It is fascinating stuff! I didnt know before that the embryo starts off the same sexually regardless whether its a male of female (obviously starts the same but I mean the sex organs develop yet they are still the same)! It is only in the 7th week or there about that it starts changing accordingly and sex can possibly determined at around 11 weeks... But even then it can be wrong. The child could genetically be male but have female genitalia! Wierd, but really interesting... Now I just have to make a start on my next one... Its about techniques aiding in conception, not sure whether to write about humans or about cattle say. Hmm...

Ooooh and excitement! I have a job for just before Christmas. Nasty hours (10.30 pm to 2.30am) but decent pay and you get paid weekly. I'm a keyer for Royal Mail so basicly typing in the postcode of letters into a computer program. Should be fun. Not. It's a job and I really need the money. Having proper problems financially... I have about £190 left before my next student finance instalment comes though...in january Majorly screwed. And I can't ask my parents for help as they are screwed themselves. Dad is still unemployed (for past 6 months) and mum is barely scraping them through... At least I don't have to think about purchasing any more train/bus tickets home. Have sorted them all out now. Am coming home for Christmas for like two weeks and would be my first time home. I say would be, because managed to talk with my dad and I've organised a surprise trip home in November for my brothers birthday. Mum and bro know nothing of it, so should be interesting to see thier reactions! Tbh, my bro prob wouldn't care but he would when he learns that I have a present for him!

Aaaaanyway I shall end my rantings here for now and will let you get back to your much more interesting lives. I'm a bore I know :) I pride myself on it lol

Take care peeps! Hope y'all are well :)

xxLMxx

Bruised Like a Peach....

"...Stop stealling my heart away … You’re stealling my heart away. I don’t know where we going. I don’t know who we are. Feels like we are flowing High above the stars, the stars, the stars, the stars..." 

Wow it has been a fair while.. I've missed it too to be honest. It's my therapy, sitting here typing and spewing utter rubbish, but I'm not forcing you to read this. Move on if you so wish...but the company is nice :) Well I like to think I have company... Hang on that makes no sence once written down, it does in my mind though... Hmm... Maybe I should get that checked out! hahah oooooh deaaaar....

Currently I'm in one of those really bizzare moods... I don't really know what to make of it. Hmm.. Oh I don't know. But uni is absolutly fab. I love it here and am actually quite glad I didnt make it to my firm choice! Have lots of work to do though... Have to write two essays by the 22nd of october, so better get cracking as well as a maths test to do online! Should prob make a good start on them before L comes down for a visit on friday (and I am unbelievably excited!). It's annoying though, because one of the essays is formative (doesnt count towards modular mark), the other summative (does count). I had to choose my own title for the formative one, and I'm spending more time on it than the other one! I eventually went with the title of  "Sexual Differenciation of Developing Humans". Really interesting but I'm not sure if I can really pad out 1500 words! Should be fun...

Aaaand I'm finally going home soon! Booked tickets home to go down for my brothers 16th. Only my dad knows too! Mum and brother = clueless! :) Will be the first time home since I arrived on 12th...

But oooh dear, wine does bad things to me! Managed to get through a whole bottle of wine last night and oooooh.... Ended up showing off my ink and peircings to quite a few stranges/students living in same building... Not good! And yes, the pole did tempt me back.. I am ashamed of myself! Much fun though! And surprisingly I am quite enjoying this whole cooking shabang :) I'll be an ace house wife at the end hahahh 

I will end my nonsensical ramblings here and will let you get on with your life :) Take care of yourselves!!

xxLMxx

Don't Let the Bastards Get You Down (even if they are bigger...)

"...Stay strong no time to feel weak, wake up it's time to look deep, don't wait 'till the end of time..."

So the induction has begun, and ohhhh dear. Why am I here? I feel incredibly stupid around all these people that have obviously deserved to get onto this course. Looking at the modules and info about coursework/essays/assessments, I am royally screwed up the ass if you pardon the phrase. I've been told that this is how everyone feels and that it gets better but I have some real doubts. The thing is, this is what I love doing, its so interesting, yet I could barely get through a practical session without nearly bursting into tears of emmbarassment. I felt so sick. I don't know if I can do it.

But thing is, I have to. I can't give up. I must be stronger than this. What's the phrase that holds truth? The mind is willing but the flesh is weak. I'm sure I've felt this way before as well, so this may just be a record stuck on repeat... But there are some things that bring back a sort of amnesia. It's like trying to recall what amount of pain you were in when you broke something or (not in my case but I've heard) trying to recall the amout of pain you were in during childbirth years ago. Some things are not possible to recall, and its the levels of emotion that cannot be descrided again. Even the methods in which it was controlled and how effective it is is difficult. This urge to fight even though I feel incredibly shite must be a repeat, with me it must be. I just can't remember what I did. I'm not sure what to do to make it better. The fact that I'm miles away from my man and family makes it harder too. I guess I should have thought about that earlier eh?

Man, and everyday, its spending money on booze either at a pub/club or for home. I can't be bothered to be honest. I'm going to conform to a scientists stereotype and retreat safely to my room and brood. I'm sad I know... I do not have the energy at the momento. As this week has been going on, I've been feeling lower and lower. It's ridiculous I know, I was looking forward to this for ages! What the hell is wrong with me!? Fuck knows... In that case I will retreat to the kitchen and much on biccies with my flat mates :)

Yes I am abandoning you for biscuits. I apologise. You'll be glad to be rid of me ^^ *salutes*

xxLMxx

Those Two Words....

"...Life is ours, we live it our way. All these words I don't just say, And nothing else matters. Yeah, trust I seek and I find in you, Every day for us something new, Open mind for a different view, And nothing else matters..."

Been at Uni since Sunday now, and I must say I was absolutly bricking it. Know why? The fear of the Unknown. Why is it that that terrifies everyone so much? If we don't know about it, then it can't harm us, it can't hurt us. Therefore all is good. But what if its not good? If not all is well at all? What if it goes horribly wrong? What if I end up alone? What if.... I could go on. But I'll spare you.But did you see the key phrase, the phase that is the bane of our lives? What If. Two of some of the smallest words (ok, thats a slight lie) but they carry so much. Yet unlike "I Love You" these two cannot be missread, missinterpreted, or missused. But they can be used too much. You need someone to tell you to stop using them, as you get so worked up. Do we listen? No. We can't help it, it's in our nature to assume the worst. It's a terrible design fault. Yet, when you assume the worst, don't you get a fabulous feeling when things go so much better? Assume the worst and you get a nice surprise (or nothing changes), or assume the best and become dissapointed (or nothing changes). What would you honestly prefer? I know which I would choose. But is there an option for assuming the worst without any of the proper panicky feelings? I guess not eh? Dayum...

I assumed the worst on Sunday...the day improved quite a bit. I feel so at home here, just comfortable with everything around me. And the people are fab. Making new friends was one thing aspect of starting something new I found the hardest. My confidence drops and I get shy. Some flat mates were in the kitchen. I somehow managed to get my face on nice and quick and sounded faily confident. Well I say confident. I actually made a right prat out of myself :P Now I have to pretend I know what I'm doing so as not to look out of place...  Though looking back, I'm not sure if it was a face... The big wide world is scary..... Again the Unknown creeps back to haunt us again....

But as usual, we learn to deal with it and we carry on like alll is well.... Problems are swept under, to be delt with when it gets too much. The story of my life..

xxLMxx

Oh Crapski...

"...I will not die, I'll wait here for you, I feel alive, when you're beside me. I will not die, I'll wait here for you,In my time of dying..."

Wow It's been quite a while since I've written something... Well for you, probably not. You'll look at this and think, "Oh gawd, not again, someone shut her up." I don't mind to be honest, I think the same thing sometimes :) but the occasional bout of verbal diarrhoea is good I think ;)

So September is finnally upon us. By this time next week, I will no longer be home. Instead I will be at Plymouth University probably thinking what on earth made me come to university... So yes! I'm leaving on saturday, staying in a hotel overnight with the family, ready to move into my accommodation the next day. It's going to be a difficult time. Settling in, making new friends, getting used to a new environment and style of learning/teaching. Oh, and how could I neglect to mention this. L and I are back together again. I'm sure many people may groan, but I'm glad we are back. I'm sure that I sound like a hypocrite if I was to look back on what I have previously said, but it's amazing how attitudes change with a new situation. All is forgiven and we are more than prepared to make this long-distance thang work :) I would be lying if I said the whole thing didn't scare me, boy does it. I'm just more willing to put that feeling aside and concentrate on the other feelings I've got going on ^.^

For instance, I am shitting bricks (if you'll excuse the phrase) about the finance side. The day after I move in (13th) I am immediately -477 pounds in the red. I get my student loan on the 20th. Screwed royaly XD Ho hum. It's all part of student life isn't it? Hmmm... Heres to surviving the next few days *raises glass*

xxLMxx

I Shall Now Open the Envelope to Reveal the Results....

I GOING TO UNI!!!!!!!!

aaahhhh! Im so excited!! If you couldn't guess :D I went early to get my results because I was so worried about them. Looking back, I shouldn't have been. Yes I didn't do as well as I had hoped and so I missed out on my place in Manchester, but instead I got accepted at Plymouth to study Biomedical Science. In the end I got an B in biology, a C in chemistry, physics and maths AS, and of course my B in Polish. Honestly, I'm not sure if I would have coped at Manchester. I got a catch-up compendium sent to me in the post and I was looking through it. ........ <- all that needs to be said. I mean half the stuff in the maths and stats section I hadn't covered before and so I would have been stuffed like a Christmas turkey... I guess thats why they called it a catch-up compendium *facepalm* After getting results though, I went straight home to check my e-mail and foud out I had been accepted. Applied for accommodation straight away and recieved an offer for university allocated the next day!! I mean, how did that happen!? They said they could only offer allocated to about 60% of undergrads... Wierd huh? It's a sign that I was meant to go there ^^ Mind you, going there and surviving the first few weeks/months are completely different things aren't they :)

But so far things are going well :) I got a surprise visit from L the thurs before results and he bought films and flowers. They flowers gained him a point in my book. I don't know, there is just something really exciting about recieving flowers. My chest actually swelled with pride thinking "yeah, uh huh, ma man got me flowers and you got none" , I couldn't stop smiling. The red blooms now dominate my window sill. He usually does things that make me smile, but I still worry a little about the near future. Do we continue with how things are (ie taking tentative footsteps and so leaving little room for heartbreaks later on) or do we emerse ourselves fully now (damning the concequences...) 

But I'm so ready for plymouth - I just sewed myself a laundry bag :)

xxLMxx