The End Of The Beginning? Or The Beginnning Of The End?

'We move fast, we move slow, we twist, we turn, we tumble.. But somewhere, sometime, the ride must stop eventually...'

So the first cut has been made, now to get going on the rest. Of the mental weeds mind, not anything else...but lets not travel down that route eh! I'm stubborn, I have to be able to do this on my own you know. I hate feeling dependant on him, he always tries fixing me, and now, I have to fix myself. It makes me feel week, helpless and just, well, stupid. I can't even help myself and yet I expect him to do it for me. I can't do that to him anymore, it feels like the only reason we are together is because he likes to fix me and for no other reason.. I know that sounds self-centred, selfish and insecure, but maybe I am. I need to figure myself out better first. I need to know myself better and understand myself better. Maybe then I can stop being selfish, and can stop focusing on my insecurities. Thats why it's done. I had to nip it at the not so bud-dy bud. It's not fair on him. I don't even know what I want anymore..

Here's to a fresh start for those who want one in this new coming year. And if you don't want a fresh start, then may your continuation be fruitfull and joyous. 

Much love

xxLMxx

"Happy Holidays You B*****d"

And with that, all we had, clutched in our tiny hands, dissapears into the fog of our imagination...

I return to my therapy.

Hasn't the past few weeks passed in a whirlwind fashion.. I'm so glad I somehow managed to keep my fuse dampened slightly. Otherwise things would have tits up :( Its strange though, as now I am home with y family and without him, it is beginning to shorten slightly again, even though it was mostly him that caused it in the first  place I think! I hate myself for thinking that but I can't help it. I am in one of those moods where I feel the need to pick apart all that is good in my life even though I am currently happy with it all. I've even gotten myself a new bit of metal to keep me happy (peircings make me feel confident about my body and in a strange way, their permamence gives me comfort.. go figure) and now I'm home, without the rush of uni work or work, I feel like someone that is able to think. I don't like it. Thinking puts seeds of doubt into my mind. \Without meaning to, these seeds develop into damned weeds that cannnot be controlled or tamed. They take a hold and I cannot escape. The devour me and I just want to be free from the pain and anguish of my mind.

I want to be free...and I want to burn the damned weeds... I just dont know how

xxLMxx

P.S. Hope your holidays are happier