Start Again??

So we broke up. We had a good spell. I hope I havn't screwed you up.When I'm ready to know why, so shall you. Not that you really care anyway...

And the wheel of fortune has once again turned a complete circle. Back to Go.

xxLMxx

Letters

Hey Baby

Thought I would write you a letter cause, as you said earlier, I have a "large case of word vomit". That is probably because I have barely spoken to you all week. I know you said to take it slow, but how slow is slow? Is this slow enough? The barely talking, the barely seeing each other? I was told that I shouldnt be missing you, but you should be missing me instead. I guess I'm just scared that you haven't been missing me at all. Even when you've come back today, you have barely speoken to me, it's pretty much been a week since I have been around you properly without other people. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I am such a mess at the mo, but it would kill me if I lost you. I'm an idiot I know. I guess it's nice to be noticed and looked after sometimes. I try and be there for you, but right now I need you. I'm just scared to ask for help. That would just make me look helpless and clingy.

I Love You

xxLMxx

Dear "friends"

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend by the beach. It was great to be invited! HA. Yeah, like you would invite someone who you don't actually like, just pretend to for the sake of the group. It's nice to be ignored, only getting invited to stuff if K of le bf are also coming and they ask me. It's nice to be stabbed in the back sometimes. I really do appreciate it. Here's hoping sometime, you will know what this feels like. I know that I have been a bit bitchy recently, but that was aimed at one girl. Apparently you lot got annoyed at the stuff I had been saying. I was not the only one that was saying though was I? Oh sorry don't you remember joining in too? We have now sorted this out and have moved on. Maybe it is time you do to. It's time for you to grow the fuck up. If you have a problem with me then tell me. Don't fucking ignore me.

Hope you are happy with yourselves

xxLMxx

Fuel Me, Watch It Burn

I hate not having some sort of quote to start this off.. It totally sucks ass. But I guess that sort of sums up my mood this week.

So I've been really stressing bout things this week. The work load is not fun, the fact that the assessments I'm getting now really mean a fair bit of the grades, I'm really worried bout hitting the right mark and well. I don't reaaaaaally have that much, juuust a test on thursday, a lab report for the next monday, article reviews fro the following monday, aaaaand a histology portfolio and three practical write-ups right before my 6 finals! Totally not pulling my hair out right now. Plus on top of that my body is ganging up on me. My knee injury is seriously playing up (which reminds me, have to phone a physio), the pill is messing me up-more than supposed to, everyone thinks I have an eating disorder, I nearly faint after a 30 min walk, I've had to stop athletics for a while... Gah! 

This is starting to feel like a proper sob story eh? I apologise, I don't mean it to be, I'm just having a rough time... Aaaaaaanyways....

But the point. Right. Well me being shighly strung, and not being able to de-stress, means that I've been taking it out accidentally on my friends. Now I got what I deserve, They've backed off of me, leaving me be, not including me. It serves me right for being a bitch. And I am so scared of losing my J to another girl who is so much better than me. I mean I don't deserve him as it is. He's the Settler, but maybe he needs to reach? I dunno, I just know I don't want to lose him. But if it means he's happier...

But my friend K and I had a heart to heart tonight. Well, actualy, I just cried tbh. Humiliating I know lol. But now, all the missunderstanding has been cleared up, hopefully I'll be less of a bitch. Maybe I'll be able to suck it up and relax more.

Maybe I'll get there (:

xxLMxx