unseen fears....

"There is a purpose in beauty. If the world were purely functional, it would have no purpose, because it would merely exist to sustain its own pointless existance. But since the world is a beautiful place, it has meaning. The world was created to be beautiful to please its Creator, who is Himself a truly wonderful being."

Yes, it has a meaning, but why is it that we can never tell what this is? Its because of beauty that we make both good and bad choices. And I guess that that is the purpose of life, making decisions that can settle on either side. Learning from both the good and the bad means that, in turn, we can ultimately become better people. In my case I wish it were so. I'm not trying to be pessimistic on purpose or trying to get sympathy, it's simply how I feel. Everything I do leads to some sort of loss in comunication with others. Well you'd have thought that 2 years of friendship would have ment something to some. I guess not, seeing as me calling her name whilst being direcly infront of her didn't evoke a single reaction. Ok, ok, 2 years isnt that long... how about several. Yes, people change, but surely one person doesnt change so much that eveeryone remeins close friends and yet you are the one being ignored and such.

What a wonderful world we live in...hmmm....of this I have to be convinced fully. I can convince others successfully, my advise being tailored for them well, yet, why can't I convince myself? For example if my best friend is having trouble with her man, then I have no problem sitting down with her for hours on end , talking and helping in any way I can. So why is it I can't sit down and help, well, me? Try as I might though, me telling myself that someone did not reply a goodnight text because they probably had no credit is somehow not working.

Also why is it that when you trust somone fully, with your life, yet you are still scared of fully letting go again. I have many fears, most of which are along the lines of being abandoned by those who you love or being hurt badly by them. I have been hurt, and so maybe thats why I'm scared. Yet being reasured calms the mind yet the heart is still restless and seeks more. I just want to get rid of the feeling of being scared. Only time can help I guess, as well as those few thought out and meaningful words.

xxLMxx