"...Let's jump upon the sharp swords, And cut away our smiles,Without the threat of death, There's no reason to live at all, My world is unaffected, there is an exit here, I say it is and then it's true, There is a dream inside a dream, I'm wide awake the more I sleep..."
I don't know why but the louder and thrashier the music the calmer I feel. I cannot stand classical (although I could possibly be swayed...) maybe its because I feel that calm music is telling me "this is how you sould be feeling, peaceful and serene..." which I physically cannot do. It's when I do occasionally feel that, I get a little scared. Iits strange but I like feeling busy and a bit all over the place. I probably contradict myself when I say that feeling busy helps me forget about how I feel when I say all the time that I need to distinguish between all the jumbles of thoughts and feelings. I mean these past few days (apart from the end of exams-hallefeckingluyah) I've been quite glad of the triple birthday that came up. It mean that I could fully concentrate on making their presents without having these distracing feelings upsetting/distracting me. And they worked so well! the presents I mean. I bought them each a champagne glass and etched "18" into the front so its a nice frosted effect, and painted their initals onto it too. It was awesome fun, and I really want to make more! I was thinking about maybe selling some to whoever is interested in ordering some but I'm not sure if anyone will be interested... I may put up some photos and see what kind of responce (if any) there will be. hmmm....
Well at least their party went smoothly. It was 80/90's themed in a football club so there was always a chance it could have gone wrong. The music was fab taking me right back to primary school disco's *sigh*... And I love it how the clipple ie me dance pretty much non-stop for the entire 4 hours. What can I say, fabby music leads to lots of crazy dancing, even if you do still have a cast wrapped around one leg... So, back home at 12, up at 6.30 >.< and yes, me being me, I did forget to take my contact lenses out, again... Things couldn't get any worse.
Scrap that thought. They probably could. Tis rock night tonight and I can't wait!! And the fact that two guys who have expressed alot of interest in me are also coming. Get me pissed then I can deal with this rationally... Well at least it will make it a little more interesting eh? And I'm glad that my two besties will be there too. They will meake sure I don't end up slapping a certain someone. It still makes me ill to the core and I hate that it still effects me and yet not him! Bleugh, recovery will take longer that expected I think. I'm not impressed...
Anyway I will leave you all be now and will be my sorry ass off the computer. Hope your all well!!
xxLMxx
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