my heart isn't worth healing, it'll prob just get stamped on again...

"There was an owl that lived in an oak, the more he saw the less he spoke, the less he spoke, the more he heard, now why can't we all be like the old bird?"

I feel sick, I really do, I've sopped eating properly and get random stabbing pains down my shoulder and in my torso and I've got to stop feeling sorry for myself. It doesn't help that exams are really stressing me out at the moment. I mean there are so many people out there who are worse off than me, and I know that I should stop dithering in the land of stupidness and should really get over myself. I mean I reaally should have moved on. I should have done what he has ie 3 weeks after our "I cant do this shit anymore" breakup, and gotten myself another guy. Ha. I can't be bothered with guys at all. They can't say what they mean and when they do say something meaningful and heartfelt it's all lies. Well they had to be lies seeing as he's found another girl to fuck. Well I hope they are happy together and that it lasts long. It means that there is a good reason not to go to each others houses, for something to happen. Well something always happens when we go to his. I won't elaborate, you can pretty much work it out.... Ergh, I just felt to ill when I found out, gawd I hate the net >.< 

Ho hum... life's a bitch and I should get over it, and as he told me, "I want you to heal". It's difficult to heal a broken heart and ripped confidence, but it's so much easier to rebuild defences and barriers. It's much easier. I know I will probably end up being more distant to some people but if it means that "I'll heal" then whatever... I don't even know what the fuck that even means!!! There is no point in healing it if it will get broken again. I was stupid and naive. But at least I've made him agree not to talk to her about me untill I leave for uni. He's talked to me about his ex'es and I don't want him talking about me like that whilst I'm still around y'know? He just knows too many things about me. I couldn't care less if he slanders my name once I'm gone, I'll be too busy to care. Ergh. Who am I kidding. I will always care. Anyone fancy slapping me silly so I can finally snap out of it?

xxLMxx