"..."No time for goodbyes", he said, as he faded away. "Don't put your life in someone's hands, they're bound to steal it away. Don't hide your mistakes, 'cause they'll find you, burn you alive"..."
The talent? Screwing things over for friends relationship. All I was trying to do was to be there for them, and try and help. It's not fault, you interpreted it how you did...and so now I have the right to feel like shit.
Right, what happened was this; friend 1 wrote on "I'm bored" as his fb status (thrilling stuff I know, its sat me on the edge of my seat -.-' ) I wrote saying well do my chem revision- I had a bitch of an exam the next day. The convo carried on, and I was letting off a lot of stressful steam. I admit the convo was a lil bit flirty to those that don't know me very well, but we were both mucking about, like we do, and I have absolutely no romantic inclination towards him. His gf saw this and bought it up and was telling him how flirty it sounded. They started to fight and she got upset. Further status' were not happy ones. I asked what was up (I had no idea that this was because of me because I was simply being myself). We started talking on chat and she accused me of flirtling and all I could do was reasure her that was not my intention and she mentioned the fact that they had fought over this. I decided to send him a private message saying that he shouldn't be mad at heer, see it from her point of view etc and that you can talk to me if you want to blah blah blah. So at the same time as I was talking to her, I was also talking to him. At the end I exhanged no with both of them. yesterday eve, I sent him a text asking if all was ok now. He texted back, and it turned out that apparently I had given him the right no, and her the wrong one (although she could have taken i down wrong who knows, so obv, I took the blame) she was pissed at me that I hadn't replied to her text which she sent (I had never gotten any) and apparently they had fought again because they were together when I sent the message and she didn't know where he had gotten my no from. To top it all, she also didn't know that I was also messaging him, and so she gets more stressed more paranoid etcetc. So inorder to prove that there was nothing going on between us I had to sent her the entire convo I had with him.
Gawd some people need to relax a little! But at least she is strong enough to voice her opinion. I am not. I have to voice them on here instead...not that thats a bad thing, I'm just not a very confrontational person. At least those two can fight for each other, to be together. Me and L couldn't do that. If he didn't like something he broke it off. Whenever we expressed our love, either written, said or other, a few weeks later we would have broken up then a week later we were back together. We just don't know how to fight for each other. I really did try, but I'm not strong enough, I can never find the energy. So maybe we weren't suited for each other, maybe our feelings were lying to us and we were never ment to be... This is why I don't like feeling. Feeling ensures that my heart is left in the gutter, and I don't have it in me to pick it up and look after it anymore. I just need to repair my inner defences as best I can, and make sure that no-one can find the existing cracks.
Also what confuses me, is that people of the same sex can have dirty jokes, banter, whatever really, but as soon as you swap one for the opposite sex, things are immediately different, insecurities become apparent. I don't think I am threatening at all, I just like a good laugh is all, is that such a crime!? o.O I should just shut up and not say anything to anyone anymore, maybe I will make a really shit councellor, and so should burn that idea... It seems whenever I open my fat gob, everything goes tits up.
On a happier note though, I got my conch done on sat, that totals nine peircings :)
xxLMxx
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